sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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