btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
