I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Randomize
