Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
