This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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