Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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