I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
