Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
