In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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