i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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