I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
