you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
