oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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