You can't motorboat a personality
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
