Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
