well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
