Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
