We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
