Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
