Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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