I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
