Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
