Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
