I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
