fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
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