Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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