Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
