Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
