Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
