There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
