I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
