Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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