thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
