was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
