Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
