he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
