i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
