If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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