BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
