pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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