Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
