You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
