my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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