i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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