take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
