wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
