I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
