Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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