How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
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