I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
