i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
