Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
