maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
