the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
