He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
