get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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