I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
