so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Randomize
