Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I think a kid would responsible me up
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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